she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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