I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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