I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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