I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
