I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
