You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
