But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
