She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
