We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
