Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
