Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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