Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
