onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
