How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
