I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
