hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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