You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
