You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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