So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
