I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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