I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
