everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
