she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
