he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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