I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
