I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
