dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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