Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
