Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
