Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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