we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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