shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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