dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
