p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
