you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
