she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So many bounce houses so little time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
