he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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