My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
