She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
