Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We got so high we made milksteak
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
