The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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