I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
