i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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