he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
