Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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