it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are we still banned from the library?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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