does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
