Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
