I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
