So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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