She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
