It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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