How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
