In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
