Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
