you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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