grandma shit on top of the toilet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
