The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
