its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i dont even know how to be here
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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