I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon