What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
