Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be