did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.