why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.