I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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