I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
