yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
