You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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