actually, I'm a sock model
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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