I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
