the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
