Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
