is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
